it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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