Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
It was like getting head from an anaconda
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
