im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
