he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
