It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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