is your mom at the bar?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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