yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize