i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I got her a Nickelback box set.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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