Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
