please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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