so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
