So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
