Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
