You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
