I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
