So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
