I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
