Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
