If that was your dad, he is hot
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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