Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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