a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
