if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
