her vagine was all disorganized.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
