How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
