last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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