Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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