Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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