One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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