shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She told me I should be a condom model.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Damn victory sex feels great
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
