Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
My pussy is not your playground.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize