i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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