but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
