he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
