why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
