By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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