ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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