Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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