Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
