I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
We don't watch enough power rangers
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
