there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
