Soap is not a condiment
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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