I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
