So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
so much tequila, so little girl.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
