My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
nutella sex= disaster
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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