i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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