in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
what day is it and did you see me today?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
ttyl tear gas
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
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