there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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