will power is for people who don't want to get laid
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
