Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
