Tell her she can't have a vagina
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
