I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
