Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
it was like his penis was on wheels.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
