Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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