hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
