we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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