I think my fart just growled at me.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
