By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
