Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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