watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
