And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
