my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
