How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
