a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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