was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
