I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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