I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
