I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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