i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
