Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
