her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
