i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize