Sry I called you an 8
I think i peed on brittanys purse
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
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