whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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